I am asking for help to cover costs to send me to LosAngeles to fulfill my dream of raising awareness, and to connect and collaborate with people that will help with my plans to create an unique music therapy program primarily focused to help people in Mental Health and Addiction Centers across Canada and the United States.
I want to be an example for people that have suffered from mental illness or struggled with addiction. I want to prove that your dreams can come true, that there is hope and a future and most importantly; if you put your mind to something you can do anything. I intend to acknowledge all that are kind enough to suport my dream.
I am just one unknown person right now. I have been doing research into noted people who care about mental health and addiction and my intentions are to deliver my project ideas to their representatives. This is why I want to spend the 3 months in LA. I believe that if I can get people on board with this it will be much more effective if I am in the same city as them.
After this happens I am hoping to have increased exposure from the blog I will be keeping through this journey and anyone else I can get on board.
This has been in the works for over a year now and the one block that has been setting me back is the financial portion of these plans.
I may be asking for a little more then I may need or maybe not enough. Either way, the money will be spent on
transportation,
cheap accommodation, (as long as there is no bed bugs I am fine)
food, and any other costs this project may need and
to sustain basic necessities to stay in LosAngeles for three months.
Any money remaining at the end of my three months, I will split evenly and will donate on behalf of those who publically support me to;CanadaThe Candian Mental Health AssociationUnited StatesMental Health AmericaI plan to reach out to The Ellen DeGeneres show which I have been trying to do online but if I can get down to LA and go to a taping I can deliver a letter personally I am hoping that she can share my story and my plans on one of her shows so I can gain support and create awarness of what I am doing. I would also like to deliver my letter to the production office for the TV Show Glee.
If it were not for Glee and the approach they use to touch on different subjects that are hard for so many people to talk about, I don’t think I would have had the realization that I was meant to do something similar but in a real life situation. I want to meet them as that is my dream, to potentially watch the taping of an episode and meet the cast, to share with them what they have done for me and what I plan to do in return. I would also love to get their blessing to dedicate my work to a Canadian cast member who passed away in July who suffered and lost his life resulting from addiction.
The reason Glee is so important is because that show is the reason this all came into what has been my sole focus for the past year. I think that being able to meet them and have that dream fulfilled for me will help with my story and show the world what that show has done for me and how I am using what it has done for me to create the music therapy program. I want to show people that your craziest dreams can come true. Personally I also want the chance to share with them what they have done and what I am giving back in return. It is a time crunch for this task because they are only going to be filming one more season and that will be the last for the show. the will start filming later this month.
My Story:For the past seven years I have been living with a severe anxiety disorder. It has been a struggle to get through and I would like to share SOME of my story with you.My biological father molested me when I was 3 years old and repeatedly beat my mother. I lived in fear my entire childhood that my Biological father would find me and follow through with his plans to kidnap me and take me to another country and make me work for him in unthinkable ways, when I was still a child. There were restraining orders and we would go into hiding only for him to find us again. He’d do jail time and then be out; his only objective was to find us. I remember this, these were my earliest memories.
These issues were never really dealt with. They were left untreated. I became a very insecure teenager, I was bullied because I couldn't afford new clothes, and I used to keep to myself sitting in the field at school and singing. I bet you can imagine the looks I got and the things that were said to me.
I started doing drugs and drinking when I was 16. I went to raves and for the first time I felt accepted. People on Ecstasy love each other and now I know that they didn't accept me, the drugs did. I almost overdosed one weekend and it scared me enough I actually managed to quit drugs shortly after. To this day it scares me and it makes me sick to think that I could have died that night. After I quit drugs I started drinking heavily and drank right up until I started college.
Today I am both sober from Drugs and Alcohol and have been for over 7 years. I believe because of the lifestyle I was living and problems left untreated I am as a result picking up the pieces of me that shattered 7 years ago and dealing with the consequences today. I have been living with a severe anxiety disorder that has completely debilitated my quality of life and it is something that has forced me to build my life from the ground up. I had to learn who I was all over again and it is something I am still working on. I know this experience will help with my personal growth as well.
When I got sick I was six weeks away from graduating college with honors. It was at this important moment in my life that my past finally caught up with me. I really believe that this would have happened with whatever I was doing in my life. I was in the hospital when they withdrew me from the school. I was diagnosed in the hospital with a severe anxiety disorder and clinical depression. I originally thought I would be strong enough and with a little rest and time, to gather myself, I would be back to my normal self. I didn't know then that it would be the beginning of more health issues, strains on relationships, and a long road ahead.
The doctors put me on medication when I was in the hospital. When I was first put on it, I was on such high doses I was numb. I eventually became housebound. It is really hard working so hard your whole life to make something of yourself and in almost an instant you don’t even know who you are anymore. I know that experiences in my life possibly led up to this and for a while I thought I was stuck with this for life. To an extent that can be true. I may always have these issues; it is a matter of not letting them control me. I thought that my illness was life’s way of paying me back for the way I abused my body but I now know that it has been to show me what my life’s purpose is.
When I was at my worst I was housebound. I didn't laugh or smile at all. I didn't cry. I couldn't have company. I literally slept the days away or just stared at the walls, having one panic attack after another and going in and out of depression. I felt like a prisoner in my body. I tried to explain how I was feeling but no one understood. It was hard for me to even leave my bedroom to walk two feet to the bathroom and when I did I had panic the whole time until I could be safely on my bed again. My panic attacks were in constant waves, there was no down time or moments when I felt even remotely relaxed, even when I was sleeping. The ones when I was sleeping were the worst. I would be startled awake with massive anxiety feeling, like I was dying. When this first began I would wake my husband up, telling him, this was a different feeling. This time it wasn't anxiety and of to the hospital we would go. It got to a point that the triage nurses weren't in a hurry to speak to me because I wasn't considered at risk. The panic found new ways to attack me, giving me new feelings that would trick me into thinking that something else was wrong with my body. It got to a point where I was afraid to sleep anymore; I would stay awake until I fell asleep from sleep deprivation.
Through it all I decided not to let my past define who I am. I hope to help people that have been through what I have and to encourage people no matter how bad things can get, your life can change for the better. I always knew I was meant to help people and I wanted to do it through music but I didn't know how I could do this. I didn't think I had enough power to make a difference. Whenever I would start dreaming these big dreams I would be brought back down to earth by my family reminding me that I had to work to pay bills. I had no support. I got sick shortly after meeting my Husband and so our primary focus was getting me well enough to be able to regain my independence
I want to develop a music program, to be implemented in schools, hospitals and treatment centers, to help people that are struggling with addiction, mental health, and to help youth get though the difficult teenage years. I believe this can help with self-image, respect for self and others, addictions, mental health, and acceptance.
Right now I am still in the research stages of this, so right now I have yet to know what the future is going to hold and what opportunities I may be blessed with.
I believe a bigger impact can be made by someone that has been through difficulties, someone that really knows what they are going through and someone that can give hope based on personal experience. I have been where it seemed there was no hope, no one that understood. I know how frustrating it is to get effective treatment. I have the passion and dedication to do this and I will. I think that with the right approach, there can be a change, maybe at first it will be small but I believe it will grow. Music touches everyone’s soul. I really believe music in all different forms can help so many people. I believe that if an effective way is found to help deal with their inner issues then maybe there would be a decrease in bullying, substance abuse, and abusive behavior. From personal experiences and talking to others, seeing others around me, I really do believe that negative actions, result from problems that are left untreated, not treated properly or ignored. People live and react to life based on what they have learned. Yet the proper focus in my opinion isn't given to find the core of the problem. Can you imagine how society could change if the effort was given to make that difference? I’m not saying that this will help everyone but if I can help one person then my life has had a purpose.
Music can be expressed through art, singing, meditation, playing an instrument, acting and the list can go on. Music touches everyone in some way in every situation throughout life. It can open one’s eyes, give hope, help heal and countless other reasons. Despite the percentages of the population suffering from mental health illness, society is still uneducated and people are left hopeless and without proper and effective treatment. There is ignorance from those who just don’t understand or perhaps have personal issues of their own.
I hope that after reading this you can put your trust into what I have put my heart and my entire life into. I want to make a difference and if you could be part of that difference, that would be awesome. It something myself and everyone that receives help through this will be greatful, for the rest of our lives.
I have had some medical set backs and now that I am well enough I need to get this plan into motion. My husband makes enough to cover the bills and for us to rent a room but if we tried to save for this it would take us a few years and I can't wait that long. This means too much to me and I need to start taking action now.
Thank you
Candace Woods
